Don’t Expect the Kind of Love that You Can’t Give to Yourself

There are times where you couldn’t help but ask yourself, “what’s wrong with me?” You think that you keep giving everything that you have but you’re not really getting anything in return. You expect to receive the kind of love that you believe you deserve. But you feel that you are not getting enough or worse, that you are not getting anything at all.

You convince yourself that you are kind, nice, good looking, and cool. Maybe you are financially stable and possess other good qualities to boost your confidence. But at the end of the day, you question yourself, “Why doesn’t he/she like me?”

But did you ever think that by entertaining these thoughts you’re not doing yourself a favor? Do you know how much you love yourself? I believe that no matter how terribly wrong things are going with your life today, the first thing that you should do is to love yourself.

How can you expect people to love you if you can’t love yourself? You keep chasing the man/woman of your dream, you are hoping for someone who has a nice body and good looking. But realistically speaking, how likely are you to get a sexy or a good-looking partner if you are too lazy to go to a gym or to exercise or to visit a salon to have a nice haircut?

You want someone who can bring you to different places, someone to swim, climb, and travel with but you’re too afraid to do it alone. You are looking for the adventurous soul but you don’t reflect this quality.

You desire people who are financially stable and can buy things that you want. How do you think you can get within their circle if you have to worry about things as basic as going to a dentist? Most people enjoy the company of the people who are just like them so why not start saving and make yourself financially stable instead of looking for someone to depend on.

You are looking for someone who has a good career or someone who has a high position in the company or society but you don’t really go beyond expectations when it comes with your own work. You don’t even dream of getting ahead in the corporate ladder.

You are searching for someone who can bring you to expensive restaurants, but oh dear, when was the last time you did that for yourself?

Just like you, I’m also tired of looking for the one. I’m tired of chasing people who, at the end of the day, would just dump me for someone they view as someone better. Like you, I asked those questions myself; is there something missing in me? Am I not really good enough? In asking these questions, I was forced to look inside myself. Then I realized, I’m tired of trying to fit somebody’s standard. In trying to see what’s lacking in me, I forgot to love myself. Just like that, I woke up thinking that I’m done pleasing people just to be loved.

After all the pain of being a hopelessly romantic, I realized that nobody has the right to hurt me and I have the full control over myself. People can easily be crashed because they don’t love themselves much.

So do yourself a favor—this is something I’m starting to do recently—take a picture of yourself, stare at your photo, then identify something that you don’t adore about yourself. It’s either you feel too fat or skinny or something deeper that can’t be seen by the eyes. Find out the thing that pulls you down, a part of yourself that you think you’re not giving love.

And once you’ve seen it, start to have a goal. You need to do something about it, but you don’t need to rush. Allow yourself to slowly accept the new challenges in your life. Remember you’re not doing a favor to anyone. You’re doing a favor to yourself.

Forget about all the people who hurt you, forgive them and start a new life. It’s not going to be easy at first. Try to gradually remove all the negativities and start finding a positive thing about yourself. Reflect on it.

At times, it’s not bad to be selfish and give yourself more time. The more quality time you can give to yourself the more you can give back to others.

Lastly, do things that make you feel good and happy. Do what it takes to be happy then reward yourself every time you accomplish something, no matter how small.

When you fully know and love yourself, the kind of love that you are praying will eventually come to you. It will come on the day that you are least expecting it. Continue to make yourself better and love yourself more. At the perfect time, the right person shall come along to give the love that you deserve.

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