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Don’t Expect the Kind of Love that You Can’t Give to Yourself

Photo Credit – The Personal Quotes

There are times where you couldn’t help but ask yourself, “what’s wrong with me?” You think that you keep giving everything that you have but you’re not really getting anything in return. You expect to receive the kind of love that you believe you deserve. But you feel that you are not getting enough or worse, that you are not getting anything at all.

You convince yourself that you are kind, nice, good looking, and cool. Maybe you are financially stable and possess other good qualities to boost your confidence. But at the end of the day, you question yourself, “Why doesn’t he/she like me?”

But did you ever think that by entertaining these thoughts you’re not doing yourself a favor? Do you know how much you love yourself? I believe that no matter how terribly wrong things are going with your life today, the first thing that you should do is to love yourself.

No one is going to love you if you don’t love yourself

How can you expect people to love you if you can’t love yourself? You keep chasing the man/woman of your dream, you are hoping for someone who has a nice body and good looking. But realistically speaking, how likely are you to get a sexy or a good-looking partner if you are too lazy to go to a gym or to exercise or to visit a salon to have a nice haircut?

You want someone who can bring you to different places, someone to swim, climb, and travel with but you’re too afraid to do it alone. You are looking for the adventurous soul but you don’t reflect this quality.

You desire people who are financially stable and can buy things that you want. How do you think you can get within their circle if you have to worry about things as basic as going to a dentist? Most people enjoy the company of the people who are just like them so why not start saving and make yourself financially stable instead of looking for someone to depend on.

bilat beach
Change for yourself, not for someone else

You are looking for someone who has a good career or someone who has a high position in the company or society but you don’t really go beyond expectations when it comes with your own work. You don’t even dream of getting ahead in the corporate ladder.

You are searching for someone who can bring you to expensive restaurants, but oh dear, when was the last time you did that for yourself?

Just like you, I’m also tired of looking for the one. I’m tired of chasing people who, at the end of the day, would just dump me for someone they view as someone better. Like you, I asked those questions myself; is there something missing in me? Am I not really good enough? In asking these questions, I was forced to look inside myself. Then I realized, I’m tired of trying to fit somebody’s standard. In trying to see what’s lacking in me, I forgot to love myself. Just like that, I woke up thinking that I’m done pleasing people just to be loved.

After all the pain of being a hopelessly romantic, I realized that nobody has the right to hurt me and I have the full control over myself. People can easily be crashed because they don’t love themselves much.

la union
I’m going to make you so proud soon – Note to myself!

So do yourself a favor—this is something I’m starting to do recently—take a picture of yourself, stare at your photo, then identify something that you don’t adore about yourself. It’s either you feel too fat or skinny or something deeper that can’t be seen by the eyes. Find out the thing that pulls you down, a part of yourself that you think you’re not giving love.

And once you’ve seen it, start to have a goal. You need to do something about it, but you don’t need to rush. Allow yourself to slowly accept the new challenges in your life. Remember you’re not doing a favor to anyone. You’re doing a favor to yourself.

Forget about all the people who hurt you, forgive them and start a new life. It’s not going to be easy at first. Try to gradually remove all the negativities and start finding a positive thing about yourself. Reflect on it.

At times, it’s not bad to be selfish and give yourself more time. The more quality time you can give to yourself the more you can give back to others.

Lastly, do things that make you feel good and happy. Do what it takes to be happy then reward yourself every time you accomplish something, no matter how small.

When you fully know and love yourself, the kind of love that you are praying will eventually come to you. It will come on the day that you are least expecting it. Continue to make yourself better and love yourself more. At the perfect time, the right person shall come along to give the love that you deserve.

you deserve love
Photo credit to bits of truth


  • Thank you for this.

  • Love yourself. This is very important yet we often forget about it. Especially true for moms. Often times kasi we become selfless, nalilimutan na sarili. That I realized is not good kasi how can you love and take care of your family when you can’t take care and love yourself.

  • This is what I did and I have never been happier. 🙂

  • You really have to love yourself first and take good care of your self before you can share the love and care with everybody else.

  • Love reading your post. Its good reminder that GREAT LOVE should start by loving our own self first. I always put my my family first then myself, now that I have a family of my own. I always do things to my love ones at any cost it makes me happy and complete. Good things happens when you don’t expect it. Enjoy life, Cai.:)

  • Couldn’t agree more! Sabi nga ni Justin Beiber, love yourself. hehe. Just keep on doing what you love to do and along the way, you will meet the right person for you while you’re doing the things that you love. 🙂

  • This is beautifully written, Cai. Indeed, however, that love starts from yourself. How do you expect to love other people when you don’t love yourself first.

  • This is so true, you can’t love someone if you can’t love yourself. In a way that it won’t be the best love. Everyone deserves to be loved.

  • Such a nice read. We have to love ourselves first, know and accept our shortcomings and where we excel. Be thankful for all the blessings you have received and to people who hurt and made you smile. Know and love yourself better than anyone else, if you succeed, then that is the right time to share the love with others.

  • Although I find the “no one will love you until you love yourself” thing a bit cliched, there are some useful reminders in this post to treat both yourself and others as you want to be treated.

  • You couldn’t have said it any better, that’s for sure. Before you can love anyone else, you have to learn how to love yourself first. How can you share that love if you can’t even give it to yourself, right? I love that you said that we should stop trying to fit other people’s standards, because it’s true. That last quote is the cherry on top of a wonderful cake!

  • The self is one’s greatest friend as well as the greatest enemy. Love starts with oneself, if you do not love yourself and are not at peace with your innerself, you would not be able to love others. Great thoughts and introspection in the post.

  • tama, you cannot give what you don’t have kaya love yourself first then share that love to others 🙂

  • I totally agree to this one! Love yourself first..

  • I couldn’t agree more! Love has to begin from ourselves, to be able to share the genuine love to our love ones and others. Many missunderstood this concept of loving our selves first as selfish, but as we think deeper it’s not! Beautiful message!

  • Excellent post. We do have to love ourselves before we can have someone else love us the wy we want to be loved.

  • I think as humans we desire things we do not have, hence we want to have that ideal partner because we don’t reflect those qualities that we want in ourselves. But at the end of the day, like you said, it all boils down to loving yourself. It’s not easy and it’s a process, but it can be achieved. Nice post Cai.

  • I agree with you: always look after number 1 – yourself! When you respect yourself and love yourself, this is how others treat you too 🙂

  • Excellent post! Self love truly can do so much for a person, we humans often forget to love ourselves, we put others needs and what might think of us ahead of us.
    Kusum |

  • Great suggestions. Sometimes we all need to be selfish and give more love to ourselves. You’re so right we should forget about all the people who hurt us, forgive them and start a new life..even if is not an easy task!

  • We have to be full, so we can give.

    We have to love ourselves, so we can give genuine love. Naks.

    Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

  • We have to be full, so we can give.

    We have to love ourselves so we can give love to others. Naks.

    Thanks for this post as a reminder.

  • Beautiful piece of writing! And I totally agree with you that if we won’t love ourselves, then nobody is going to love us! It may sound selfish but giving priority to oneself is very important in order to make your surrounding happy!

  • Aaww. I feel you in this post. You know, we should love ourselves the way we want to be loved by others. Start from within.
    You’re right. It’s not bad at all to be selfish. That’s one way to be alive. Always do the things that make you happy, not others.
    love and hugs!

  • Good words my friend. I love your comment of “I have ull control over myself”. No one can determine your fate, but you.

  • Keep inspiring Cai! As my favorite dating guru says, you must be the best version of yourself. Make sure that even you, want to date yourself. We must all achieve to be the high-value woman/man that we are, and that we are complete and happy regardless of the status of our romantic relationships. 🙂

  • I always say you only attract what you give out there. I agree with you 100% We need to love ourselves enough for someone else to really see our value.

  • You nailed it! We should live the standard that we want to attract to our own life.

    I used to have the same sentiments when I was single.

  • Great and relevant advice for anyone at any point of their lives 🙂

  • I a believer of loving oneself. In focusing on your strength rather that your weaknesses. I agree when you say “Forget about all the people who hurt you, forgive them and start a new life. It’s not going to be easy at first. Try to gradually remove all the negativities and start finding a positive thing about yourself. ” I also believe that someone will always want to have something that you have in life now. Just like we want something in somebody else’s life.

  • It is important to like and love yourself, and to make changes if you aren’t living up to your own standards. Another important thing is to learn to enjoy spending time alone. Neediness is he worst cologne! Also, remember that God loves you no matter where you are on your journey. This means we are never alone.

  • I always believe that you don’t have to look for love because it will come at the right time and right place. So while waiting for the right person, enjoy and equip yourself to be a better partner.

  • This is a great way of looking at things. You really have to take a look at yourself and your own situation to see if you’re projecting in any way.

  • What a very nice post. It’s something that we should remember every now and then, especially on those times when we are too hard on ourselves.

  • This is very true, we can’t expect someone to loves us if we are unable to love ourselves. Even my mom used to say that. Always love yourself first.
    But also all coming down to the point that we can’t ‘seek’ the one either. I know some people might get tired of hearing that ‘it will come when you least expect’ but it IS so true. It will come when you least expect, and probably, when you are least prepared or willing. But then…it happens, and love conquers all 🙂

  • This was so great! And exactly what I needed to read. Nothing good happens if we just sit still and wait something to happen without making our lives better by ourselves.

  • So true! I am really working on loving myself right now but sometimes it is so hard.

  • This hits close to home. In situations when you feel down or feel like you’re being put down by others, ask yourself ”What would a person who loves themselves do?” ..
    I think I need to learn to love myself more. We all do.

  • That’s a great point indeed but self love and self kindness are very hard to achieve. You can love someone for the very same thing they hate themselves

  • Life is all about experiences, feelings, love and relationships! It all starts with you!

  • “You desire people who are financially stable and can buy things that you want. How do you think you can get within their circle if you have to worry with things as basic as going to a dentist?” – Ask your health insurance! Lol 🙂
    But seriously Cai, loving your blog posts nowadays as each gets more genuinely flowing. Glad that you started writing and it’s refreshing to reach every word you expressed.
    Kaya ‘wag ka na maghanap, sila na mismo ang pipila sa’yo sa … tamang panahon. :))))

    • HAHAHAH you know here in the Philippines not everyone has a health insurance. Anyway Thanks Jessica! i appreciate your comment. Hope to see you soon 🙂

  • I’ve started to realize this and it gives me a certain strength. It’s nice to need someone but it hurts when you’re let down. You can’t hurt yourself unless you purposely do it so that’s the best way really. Love yourself, treat yourself right and others will follow.

  • Your right, I don’t give myself enough love and if I can’t love myself then how the hell will others love me?

  • Great post! I can agree a lot! I was thinking about this e.g. today and last time.
    “Everybody’s journey is individual because we start from different places, so we can’t all be having the same journey.”
    – Louise L. Hay

  • Life is a journey my friend 🙂

    As we travel, we also explore and test ourselves

  • This is an excellent post, Cai, and I have been happy to share it.

    You are very right in that we must please ourself before trying to please others. What a great idea of taking a pic of ourselves and trying to change the things we can that we don’t like. One step at a time …

    Cheers and keep positive. You will eventually find the right one who loves you just the way you are.

  • You made a great point. Everybody knows someone who is ‘lucky’ and successful even though they’re not conventionally pretty or super clever, but very happy with themselves instead. You’re absolutely right that the key is self-love. Even Buddha says that there isn’t anybody else who deserves love more than you.

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